Now I have a magic sword. Ho, ho ho.
Jan. 12th, 2010 08:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
blamethewizardWow, so, this fandom has completely messed with my world. I used to be a lurker who didn't write and labeled RPS as strangeness of the tinhat variety. Along comes Merlin and I am a participating, writing and (as a recent development) an RPS-reading person. Damn, if I had known this was going to happen, I would have chosen a better username.
Title: Don't Be A Menace (To Camelot, While Drinking Your Ale in the Woods)
Author: Ali
Rating: R but only for language, it's pretty gen otherwise
Disclaimer: This attempt at humor is not of any personal fiscal benefit, and I own nothing.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up through S2 ep. 8. Also: unbeta'd
Summary: For the![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
kinkme_merlin prompt: Arthur/Merlin. Recognizing that Merlin is his father's man when it comes to the fight against magic, Arthur keeps the fact that his feelings about magic not being all bad to himself. Bonus for crack of Arthur and Merlin both going off to deal with magical things in secret from the king separately and basically tripping over each other try to accomplish the same task and pretending they're both there by happenstance.
A/N: The title has nothing to do with the fic, except that it is a play on a movie that, like this, is a sort of spook/attempt at humor. If anyone figures out what the monster is, you get bonus points. There is a little hint in there.
The full meaning of Merlin’s words that day in the council chamber didn’t occur to Arthur until some time after the fact. He thinks, however, that given the situation (his sword point at his father, the king’s, neck, adrenaline, lack of sleep , etc., etc.) that this really ought to be forgiven. Yes. So it is only later, when thinking about that moment and the role his disobedient (but timely) servant had played in stopping certain unfortunate events, that Arthur remembers Merlin’s exact words.
Sorcerers are not to be trusted. You were bewtiched. Or something like that. The crux of it is, Merlin seems to be of the opinion that magic is evil. This in of itself is not all that strange. It is, after all, Camelot’s Official Position on the matter. However, that idea that Merlin actually agrees with the king about something is...well...rather interesting. It was rather subservient of him, really, which was amusing except for the fact that Arthur was starting to think that his own opinions on sorcery were taking a turn for the somewhat-less-obedient.
Even before the “Morgause Incident” (Arthur refuses to think of it as That Time I Met My Mother) Arthur had...disagreed...with his father before concerning sorcery and how it was dealt with in Camelot. Uther had a, shall we say, rather heavy-handed approach toward anything that had the barest hint of magic, and Arthur had long-since wondered if such a policy really wasn’t bringing them more trouble than it was worth. He certainly drew the line at killing children, however slightly creepy the young Mordred might have been.
Anyway. Back to recent events. Arthur wasn’t sure Morgause’s motives had been completely on the level, but deep down Arthur knew the woman who’d embraced him then had been his mother. That moment had been some kind of gift, whether it was intended to be or not. There was also the fact that if Morgause had really wanted to use magic to harm him she could have done so any number of times. The events that occurred after the vision had been of Arthur’s own making, it had only been for Merlin that they had not.
Merlin. Arthur hadn’t really thought about his manservant’s political opinions before, mostly because he’d long been trained not to discuss matters of state with the help. Merlin, however, was different. Arthur could admit (but only just) that their relationship was perhaps a little closer than that of a typical master and servant. So the fact that Merlin might not be on board with Arthur’s newfound views on magic might be a little disappointing. In the eyes of his manservant, liberal views of sorcery were treason.
So Arthur decided to play along. Shortly after the “Council Room Incident” (Arthur refused to think of it as That Time I Almost Killed My Father) Merlin had been tidying up his chambers, strangely silent in a way that screamed “I know some stuff just happened and we’re pretending it didn’t”, and it was really getting rather awkward, so Arthur did the first thing that came to mind; he thanked his manservant for the reminder that sorcery = bad.
There was a slight pause. Arthur held his breath, wondering if something in his voice betrayed the lie. Then, Merlin’s response (“happy to help”) came and Arthur couldn’t help but feel just a little deflated.
***********************************************************
Dramatic events notwithstanding, life went on much as it usually did for Arthur in the weeks following certain “Incidents”. It was a regular Tuesday afternoon which found Arthur in his chambers, pretending to read reports about grain stores, when a summons came to attend the king. Glad to be rid of starch-related statistics, Arthur went immediately, with an internal prayer that this wasn’t one of those “There’s this problem and you have to fix it yesterday” summons.
Which, of course, it was.
Arthur entered the chamber and took up his usual stance in front of the king; head tall, shoulders back, hands clasped together behind him. He’d come up with it specially to convey things like conviction and strength, and if the look on his father’s face was any indication Arthur would need such things in spades.
“We have reports that some kind of demon is attacking travelers in the Pine Woods. It has killed three people en route to Camelot and must be stopped”
Well obviously thought Arthur, but stuck to “Do we have a description of the beast?”
The king waited an appropriately dramatic moment to respond.
“It is rumored to be a small but vicious creature, with hooves, a horses head and wings. A forked tail too, I believe.”
Ugh, wings. Why did they always have to have wings?
“Has Gaius been able to identify the creature?” Arthur dared to ask. The aged physician had, on occasion, been able to provide valuable information when it came to matters of a monster-y nature. However, judging by the dark look that came suddenly over Uther’s face, this was not one of those times.
“No, although he is still looking in to the matter. Regardless, the fact is the monster threatens our people. I would have it destroyed”.
“I’ll see to it” was Arthur’s canned response, because there really was no other way to reply.
Arthur rode out for the Pine Woods with a group of knights immediately. He’d found Merlin in the stables, and as an afterthought bade him to come along. Not that Arthur expected his manservant to be of any use in the martial sense, but Merlin had been unnaturally quiet as of late and perhaps a good hard ride into possible peril could provoke some kind of response. Instead, Arthur got “Yes, sire”, and Merlin had scampered off to make preparations. Which simply meant he’d have to try a little harder.
“So” Arthur began, once the party had made their way out of the city “This creature we’re looking for might prove elusive. We will leave the horses at the edge of the forest and proceed on foot which means that you”, he fixed Merlin with his best glare “need to remember the meaning of stealth, if at all possible. Understood?”
Apparently that was (finally) enough of a jibe to get a response “You asked me to come!”
Arthur rolled his eyes “Well this thing, apparently, likes travelers. If normal methods of pursuit prove fruitless, I was thinking you could play the role and let the rest of use take care of the stealth”.
“You want to use me as bait!?”
Arthur smiled. He had, of course, no such intention, but letting his manservant think otherwise was far too much fun “We’ll see” he replied, and kicked his horse into a canter leaving Merlin, mouth agape and flustered, to follow along.
***************************************************
The end of the day arrived with the beastie unaccounted for. This remained the case upon subsequent searches in the days following. The Pine Woods were fairly large but rather sparse and lifeless, so any creature living there should have been easily found. They’d visited the site of the attack, finding dried blood on the forest floor but no tracks other save that of the travelers themselves. Arthur was on the verge of calling the whole thing a wash and returning to his grain records when word came (in the middle of the night, no less) of another attack. He didn’t even need to be told to arrive at the council chambers, posthaste.
Uther had the sort of look on his face Arthur dreaded, one that managed to convey “Your-incompetence-is-not-amusing” without saying as much. Upon entering the chamber Arthur noted that Gaius and Merlin were already in attendance, which probably meant something but before he could think what his father began
“There has been another attack. A woman has been killed. Have your searches made no progress?”.
Which was kind of a stupid question, because no, obviously not, but then there was no good way to point that out, so Arthur stuck to the facts.
“We have searched every corner of the Pine Woods. There are no strange tracks, no signs of a den or other place the creature might be living. We will, of course, continue our efforts to-”
Arthur stopped when his father waved a hand (as if to say “enough of your prattle, child”) and addressed Gaius.
“Do you know of any creatures that can conceal themselves so well? Perhaps by magic?”
Arthur sighed inwardly as Gaius stepped forward. A magic-related problem in Camelot? Perish the thought.
“Some creatures of magic have the ability to conceal themselves, sire. Given this creature’s description I would say it is a likely possibility”.
Upon this declaration Uther sat up a little straighter on the throne, as if better posture could ward off the evils of sorcery. Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur thought Merlin shifted a little. Of course his manservant would be uncomfortable, Merlin hated magic just as much as his father did. Naturally any mention of it would make him uncomfortable too. Arthur found himself fighting off a sense of disappointment. Merlin, if anything, had been a steadfast ally in the turbulent ride that had been Arthur’s life of late. Everyone had their limits, however, and it appeared now that Uther was not the only one in the room whose fear of magic was having an overwhelming effect.
“Then it must be dealt with even more quickly”, declared the king.
Arthur knew that had been directed at him, so before his father could go on he squared up his shoulders and replied “I shall double our efforts. This creature cannot evade us forever” and turned on his heel to exit the room. He really didn’t want to see the look sure to be on the king’s face. Arthur had seen it too many times before not to know what it meant: You had better.
**********************
The next morning, Arthur decided upon a Plan of Action in regard to the errant demon-thing. Traditional search-and-destroy being uselessthe next obvious choice was subterfuge. Arthur had only been half-joking when he’d suggested to Merlin that someone act as bait to lure out the monster. However, given the nature of the attacks (deadly) and the martial competency of Merlin (nonexistent) there was no way his manservant would be filling that role. The idea was to lure the creature, not feed it.
Besides, Arthur could never send anyone into such perilous conditions; posing as a traveler would mean the lure would be un-armored and lightly armed. Of course, knights would be waiting in the offing (with stealth) should the demon make an appearance, but the danger remained high. Arthur thought it was a very good plan. Merlin did not agree.
“You can’t go out there by yourself, that thing has killed people, its dangerous!”
Arthur exhaled a sigh of the long-suffering.
“Merlin” he began “That’s precisely why I have to do this. Besides, we’ve had this discussion before. Who else would you have me send out as bait? You?”
“I would”.
Oh. They were having one of those moments again. It was rather touching, once Arthur got past the fact that it was not exactly normal to have ones manservant declare his willingness to endanger himself on your behalf every other day. It strayed perilously close to bringing things like feelings into the light of day. Dangerous territory indeed; it was time to deflect.
“Yes, Merlin, I’m sure you would. However I, unlike you, have a fighting chance should this thing decide to attack, and I’d prefer not have to bring you back to Camelot in a sack”
“But-”
“You will stay back with the knights, do you understand me? Or I shall order you to stay here.”
Arthur was hedging his bets on that one, he knew. If the past was any indication, Merlin would probably just follow along regardless. Judging by the level of defiance in Merlin’s eyes, that would probably be the case today. However, his manservant seemed to see the inherent logic in being allowed to come vs. disobeying orders, the relative benefits of both (lurking reluctantly vs. ending up in the stocks )and acquiesced.
“Yes, sire”.
They set out for the Pine Woods once again. Arthur was dressed as a traveler; simply, with a long cloak to conceal his sword and dagger. Merlin came along (sulking, of course) with the half-dozen knights specially chosen for the mission. They would hang back, away from the trail where three out of four of the attacks had occurred, while Arthur would do his best to imitate an innocent traveler on his way through the trees. With any luck, the beast would be ghosting the trail and attempt an attack.
It was darker in the Pine Woods than was entirely normal for midday. The pine trees were closer together in this particular section, so this was to be expected. What was strange, however, was the unnerving quiet of the place. True, it would make any approaching animal easier to hear, but Arthur would not have complained if a bird deigned to chirp every now and again.
He was well and truly alone now, or at least appeared to be. True to plan, the knights had hung back from the main trail, out of sight but close enough to help should the beast attack. Not that Arthur would really need the help anyway (flying demons didn’t scare Crown Princes in the least), but having them around appeased certain people like his father (who would frown disapprovingly) and Merlin (who would fret unnecessarily).
Arthur peered upward from the hood of his cloak. The monster was winged, and since no tracks had been found it was logical to assume it would attack from the air. The knights were armed with crossbows and spears, should they be needed, but Arthur wold rather end the thing on the point of a sword. He could then return to Camelot, sword properly blooded, and there would be no more debates about princely competency.
A strange cry came from behind. Arthur turned, just in time to see a horse-faced, black creature swooping down on him from the pine boughs. (Honestly, why these creatures decided to announce their presences before attack was a mystery, although it certainly was convenient). Arthur quickly drew his sword, cape swirling behind him as he moved to strike the oncoming devil. He caught sight of fangs (nd weren’t those strange on a horses face) and a forked tail as the creature descended. Arthur felt his sword connect (yes!) and was just as suddenly thrown back to the forest floor. The creature flew black with a beat of its wings, hovering. Arthur noticed his sword hadn’t even made a dent. How nice. With another cry the monster began to swoop down again. Arthur braced himself and quickly scrambled up. If he had to die, it would not be lying down in the bloody Pine Woods.
The knights, having caught on to their liege's difficult situation, chose that moment to appear, brandishing crossbows and spears. They moved to either side of Arthur, wasting no time in launching said implements of destruction. These knights were some of Camelot’s best, and as such their aim was true. Almost ever spear and crossbow launched hit the hovering creature squarely in the chest. And bounced off. Harmlessly.
The creature beat its wings, and with another cry began to descend upon Arthur in the knights when, quite suddenly, the tree nearest the beast cracked at the base and began to fall. At first, it appeared the falling tree would crush the beast; the tree limbs threatening to trap the thing. Beating its wings frantically, it managed to escape but only just. The beast had been rattled, though, and it quickly flew away, up into the trees and into the distance. Before Arthur could think Huh, stroke of luck, there was Merlin, appearing from the trees looking extremely relieved.
“Are you all right?”, he asked, scanning Arthur’s person for any sign of bodily injury.
“Don’t be silly, Merlin, of course I am”, (and even if he hadn’t been, it wasn’t the time to address such things).
“Good thing that falling tree scared it off!”
Arthur snorted. “I don’t know what you mean by that, we had the situation perfectly under control. Now, we must return to Camelot and regroup for tomorrow”.
Merlin was incredulous, mouth agape as if to say are you really that thick? but fortunately made no such comment.
“But your sword...the spears; they just bounced off!”
“Ah, so you noticed. Well, I expect you had better sharpen my sword when we get back!”
Merlin was having none of the light Arthur was making at the situation. He appeared extremely perturbed, stepping into Arthur’s space. The knights were quietly gathering the fallen spears and crossbows, seeming fortunately oblivious to the scene. If Merlin had looked any less concerned, Arthur would have had to rebuke him.
“Arthur, I don’t think it matters how sharp your sword is. Gaius believes the creature can conceal itself with magic. What if it is magic?” What if it can only be killed by magic was the unspoken implication.
Yes, Merlin would expect the worst when it came to magic; his father might have similar fears. Arthur, however, was strangely free of the worry that had previously been associated with issues of magical nature. Monsters of supernatural origin had been dealt with before and could be again. Arthur would find a way, no matter what it took.
Instead of sharing such thoughts, Arthur simply smiled and placed a reassuring hand on his manservants shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, Merlin. Talk to Gaius, perhaps he can provide some insight”.
With that Arthur began again down the trail, leaving Merlin to follow, still sulking and still concerned. Arthur was already beginning to think of his next course of action, rapidly coming to the conclusion that Plan C would have to be, shall we say, a little to the outside of box.
***************************************************************
Arthur was good at a number of things. It was his responsibility as a prince to charm the court, negotiate regional politics, wield every kind of weapon known to mankind with the utmost mastery and to look good while doing so. He had received lessons on everything from “How to Hold Your Fork Properly” to “Battle Strategy When You’re Outnumbered and the Weather is Crap”. So when faced with a particularly tricky opponent, Arthur usually referred to his accumulated knowledge, from lessons and experience, to come up with a way to outwit a given foe.
Unfortunately for Arthur, none of his lessons involved what to do in situations involving magic other than his father’s universal solution: kill the sorcerer. That plan wasn’t really helpful when faced with flying demons who were apparently impervious to traditional methods of dispatch.
Of course, Arthur had encountered this situation before. The gryphon he and his knights had faced some time ago seemed similarly protected from swords and lances. Arthur didn’t really like to think about that little escapade too much, because in the end it had been Lancelot who Saved The Day, with the prince unconscious on the ground. Among his feelings about this particular incident there was now a sense of regret. In the ensuing confusion and the man’s quick departure, Arthur hadn’t managed to ask the one thing that would be damned helpful at this point, which was “So, Lancelot, how the hell did you manage it?”.
Therefore, without having anyone with actual experience slaying magically-protected beasts, the next best thing would be to ask an authority. Arthur thought about going to Gaius, who besides being Court Physician also seemed to fill the role of Consultant on Problems of a Magical Nature. So far Gaius had been unable to identify the creature, even after a search through his numerous tomes. However, Arthur half-hoped that there might be something something in one of those books that might be useful.
(In Arthur’s mind, there was a book with a chapter titled “Demons: What to Do if Your Weapons Might As Well Be Feathers”, but that’s really neither here nor there).
Upon returning from the sticky encounter with the beast in the Pine Woods, Arthur set off for Gaius, sending Merlin away with the horses and a list of chores designed to keep him busy and, more importantly, away from his home. While the prince didn’t really care too much about Merlin’s approval (not at all, if you asked Arthur directly), it would be better to converse with Gaius about magcial creatures without his manservant acting the mother-hen with his worried glances and “magic-is-dangerous” opinions.
Fortunately, the physician was in residence when Arthur poked his head into Gaius’ rooms. He was at his workbench, standing over a steaming pot of something that was probably vile-tasting and meant to cure headaches, or some such thing. Arthur cleared his throat to announce his arrival.
“Sire, if you’re looking for Merlin, I-”
“Actually, Gaius, I wanted to ask you something”
A look of suspicion crossed the physician’s face before he schooled it to a more neutral expression. “Yes, sire?”
“You told my father that the creature in the Pine Woods might be able to conceal itself by magic. Would such magical protection extend to...assault as well?”
Arthur was doing his best to appear completely unperturbed, but if the knowing look on Gaius’ face was any indication he was failing miserably.
“I take it today’s expedition into the woods was unsuccessful?”
Arthur sighed, and dropped any attempts at being subtle. If you’re going to admit just how useless you feel, it was probably better to be plain about it.
“The beast appeared, but our weapons were...ineffective. A tree fell and scared the beast away, but I fear-”
“A tree?”
Now that wasn’t what Arthur would have picked out as the important point in the story, but it seemed to interest Gaius.
“Erm, yes. My knights and I were attempting to kill the monster, however sword and arrow skimmed its skin as if it were made of armor. Fortunately a tree fell just as the thing was coming in for another pass. The beast was nearly crushed. It escaped but seemed to have been scared off. I was wondering-”
“The tree fell of its own accord?”
This was getting ridiculous. Yes, it had been a rather lucky thing to have happen, but honestly Arthur had a monster to kill and didn’t need to be talking about trees.
“Indeed it did. It was fortunate that it fell the way it did, too, Merlin was right behind it”
Gaius’ eyes widened a little, in what looked like fear. Of course he was concerned for Merlin, but Arthur thought this a bit silly. If anything had happened to the idiot Arthur would have said so, instead of having this ridiculous tangential discussion about falling topiary.
“Oh, Merlin’s fine” Arthur assured him “He’s in the stables, now. However, I am rather concerned this monster will keep killing if it is not stopped. I was wondering...we have come across beasts like this before...the gryphon?”
Gaius nodded.
“Yes, well it seemed similarly impervious to our weapons, yet it was eventually defeated. Do you know how such a thing might...might be accomplished?”.
The physician raised his eyebrow in a way that said ‘I know what you’re thinking, young man.' It was really rather disturbing.
“If you are asking how to defeat a creature of magic, I am afraid I can be of no help, sire. I will look into it further, however. Perhaps the literature will present some kind of solution.”
Arthur felt as if a stone had deposited itself in his stomach. He had hoped to approach his father with a possible answer to the monster problem, but apparently it was going to be the standard ‘I’ll see to it over my dead body...literally.'
“Aha. Well, yes, please let me know if you find anything useful”.
Turning to leave the physician’s chambers, Arthur couldn’t help but wonder, again, if having someone around who knew a thing or two about magic might not be smart. The problem with banning magic was that it didn’t come with a banishment of problems related to magic. If Camelot was to be attacked by bloodthirsty, supernatural creatures, surely they should be dealt with by any effective means?
He stopped to collect himself. Thinking such things was treason, and it was probably better to approach the king <i>without</i> such thoughts as ‘you’re doing it wrong hello?. Arthur exhaled and set out toward the council chambers. Monster-related problems would have to be put aside for the time being. He had a report to give, a king to mollify, and anything else would just have to wait until after lunch.
**********************************************************************************************
The king had not been pleased with Arthur’s report. His conversation with the king had gone something like this:
“We attacked the creature, sire, however our weapons were ineffective.” (I’m completely fucked)
“So the creature escaped?” (Yes, you are)
“Indeed. Perhaps its supernatural origins-”
“I do not care to speculate about the supernatural. No creature is invincible, Arthur. I have confidence you will find its weakness before it causes further injuries to our people” (You obviously didn’t try hard enough. Unacceptable, son, unacceptable)
“Indeed, sire. I will regroup the knights and set out again tomorrow” (And pray for a miracle)
And that was that. After meeting with his father there had (fortunately) been Things To Do, distracting Arthur from thinking about how the hell he was going to kill a beast that couldn’t be killed. There was drill to conduct, prospective knights to examine and reports to read, keeping Arthur busy until the sun was very low in the sky. It was close to dinnertime, and Arthur found himself distracted from reading (a terrifyingly boring report about the state of livestock in the kingdom). Strangely enough, he was rather looking forward to his manservant’s (hopefully) imminent arrival with a plate of food. Perhaps a few well-aimed barbs could draw Merlin out into some good natured banter.
He was thinking about Merlin again. Merlin, who had been acting rather differently of late. Not that he wasn’t usually overprotective and contrary, because he was that, but there was something...off..about the way Merlin seemed to be in a constant state of nervousness. Arthur thought it might have something to do with recent events, but since when were magical creatures a new threat to Camelot? This kind of thing happened all the time and-
Huh. This kind of thing really did happen all the time. All the time, and every time the situation somehow turned out all right in the end. There was probably something to that, but Arthur couldn’t quite put his finger on what.
At that moment Arthur happened to glance out the window to the courtyard only to spot Merlin (who was supposed to be headed to the kitchens right now) half-running out the palace gates. He was obviously in some kind of hurry, and, Arthur noticed, seemed to be carrying a sword of all things.
Now, Merlin’s behavior could often be described as odd, but this rushing-off-with-a-sword-thing fell rather out of the “quirky” category and into the “what the hell?” variety. What in creation could Merlin have to do, urgently and with a sword, outside of the palace at dinnertime? Naturally, Arthur would have to investigate.
It was a good thing Arthur left just then he might or Merlin’s dramatic exit of Camelot on horseback. As it was, all he got was a glimpse of his manservant’s back as he trotted down the street. Fortunately, Arthur was Crown Prince, meaning his appearance in the stables caused a general commotion in the “what can we do for you, sire” vein, which was how he was able to procure saddled horse less than two minutes after arriving.
Thus Arthur found himself heading down the road after Merlin, taking the path out the palace gates toward God-knows-where, hungry and getting more irritated by the second. It had, after all, been a stressful day. Arthur did not want to be chasing his servant who instead of, oh, <i>serving<i> was forcing his master to follow him on some strange errand. A strange errand, as it seemed, which found Arthur heading toward the Pine Woods for the second time that day. Arthur was starting to think Merlin’s behavior was veering out of the “what the hell” category and quickly into “what the fuck?”.
Merlin had tied up his horse just outside the forest border. Arthur had been too far behind to call out and get his attention however he was confident (now that they were on foot) that his superior tracking ability and speed would allow him to catch Merlin, hit him upside the head and berate the fool with little delay.
Arthur proceeded into the woods, following Merlin’s tracks while keeping an eye toward the pine boughs. The thing was, as annoying as this little adventure of Merlin’s happened to be, it was also rather dangerous. Merlin knew full well, had seen with his own eyes, the dangerous creature that dwelt in these woods. What had possessed him to come here? Was he under some kind of spell? Was he thinking to kill the beast himself? Was he finally rounding the bend from odd to insane?
It was in the middle of these thoughts that Arthur noticed, up ahead in the increasing gloom of the woods, the object of his pursuit crouched low to the ground. Merlin appeared to be deep in thought, his focus on the sword which he had placed on the forest floor. Arthur’s curiosity was piqued, but he was also pissed, and so he chose that moment to make himself known in the most frightening way possible.
“MERLIN!!” he yelled, continuing to approach his servant in what he hoped was an “I am going to throttle you” manner. Even in the twilight of the pines, Arthur could read his servants “Oh, crap” expression. There was something else there, too, but it was probably just the gloom of the trees injecting another layer of terror onto Merlin’s face.
“Arthur I-” he began, his eyes widening further in horror “Arthur look out!!”. Merlin pointed to something up and behind, and Arthur had only half turned before being knocked to the ground.
Fighting instincts kicking in, Arthur used to momentum to roll quickly, reaching for his sword which-
Which wasn’t there. In his haste to leave, Arthur had left his sword behind, along with his mail, armor, or basically anything which would be somewhat useful in a fight. Not that anything would be useful against this creature, the same one from the morning, wings and horse face and fangs hovering above Arthur in a menacing way.
It was funny, the things one notices when you think your life is about to end. At this time, Arthur noticed the creature’s eyes were glowing slightly in the darkness. Despite is malicious intent, terrifying appearance and overall belligerent nature, its eyes were actually kind of pretty in their glowy way, which made Arthur think that maybe it wasn’t so much mean as tragically misunderstood. An odd thing to think of a creature which was, just then, flapping its wings and heading toward you, fangs bared.
Arthur might normally have ducked or twisted away, but at that moment he thought that maybe if the creature went for him Merlin might get away. Which was why he found himself instead hurling himself toward the beast and yelling “Merlin, run!”. If he couldn’t kill the thing, he could at least punch a few of its fangs out on the way to an honorable death.
What he didn’t expect was Merlin’s reply. Although his servant was behind him Arthur knew the idiot hadn’t moved at all. Instead he began to chant, in some language Arthur had never heard, and suddenly the sword which had been on the ground was now in the air, glowing blue and heading toward the gut of the descending beast.
Apparently a sword that glowed blue worked better than those of plain steel, because it ran the monster through with ease. The flying demon stopped mid-flight, gave one last, feeble cry, and fell toward the ground in a graceless heap. Arthur turned to Merlin, who was standing not five paces away, arm outstretched, eyes fading from gold to their usual blue. Eyes, Arthur noticed, which now looked even more terrified than before.
Arthur didn’t say anything, because his brain was working faster than it had, probably, ever in his life. He looked to Merlin (terrified) back to the beast (dead) several times before stating the most ineloquent thing ever uttered by a Prince.
“Huh”
Apparently this was some kind of prompt for Merlin to begin jabbering away. He started to approach Arthur, all deference and guilt, babbling apologies and wanted-to-tell-you’s and nonsense. Still shocked, Arthur only looked at his manservant quizzically, which was apparently not the reaction Merlin was expecting because he stopped, mid sentence, with a loud gulp.
“You” Arthur pointed “Magic”
“Um, yes”
Arthur stared at Merlin, who looked stunned and afraid and all kinds of nervous. It was true, he had technically just committed treason, but then again he had just saved them both, which led to Arthur’s next thought.
“Not the first time?”
“No” Merlin replied, eyes shifting to the ground. This led to the second most ineloquent thing ever uttered by a Prince.
“Oh”
Well, that solved the mystery of Magical Problems that Solved Themselves. This was suddenly hilarious, and Arthur found himself doubled over with laughter, Merlin looking on in wondering terror as if he might have just cause his master’s temporary insanity.
Arthur looked up. “You” (laugh) “are a sorceror!”
Merlin went then from terrified to angry. His eyes narrowed, indignant “I’ve saved your life so many times I-”
Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s arm, waving him off with the other.
“No I know, I think, really, I know” he laughed “You hate them, but you are one! Ha!”
Arthur went into another fit of laughter (maybe that temporary insanity thing wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility after all). Looking at Merlin then he stopped. His manservant was looking sad, his eyes distant.
“Oh,” he began “I only said that...then.. so you wouldn’t, you know..so you’d stop”
Right. Merlin had said what he had to prevent regicide. Patricide. Patregicide. Whatever.
Arthur gave Merlin a considering look.
“You did what you had to, I suppose”
Merlin huffed, replying “I always do” in a cynical sort of way.
They were silent again. Arthur supposed he ought to be angry, and on some level he probably was. At the moment, however, he was a) happy to be alive, b) happy Merlin was alive and c) hungry, so instead of ranting or raving or doing whatever it was his manservant obviously thought he was about to do, Arthur simply turned to the little pack Merlin had abandoned on the ground nearby.
“Got any food in there? I’m starving” he said.
Merlin looked confused, his eyes furrowing in concern. “Um, no?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Well, then we’d best get back. You had to do this at dinnertime, didn’t you?”. He turned and began down the path they’d taken into the woods. It was now much past twilight, the darkness obscuring the way.
“Arthur!” Merlin called out. He hadn’t moved at all from where they’d been standing. “What are you going to do?”.
Arthur stopped, turning towards Merlin who was looking afraid again, uncertain, as if he had been dreading this moment for a long time and didn’t know what to do now that it was here. It was a good thing that Crown Princes always knew what to do.
“Merlin” he sighed “I am getting out of these godforsaken woods and going home. I am going to have discussion with you regarding the proper concealment of magic and then, then Merlin I am going to have something to eat”. Okay, so things were probably a little more complicated than that, but complications were always best dealt with in the light of day on a full stomach.
Merlin smiled then, seeming to understand Arthur’s response as it was intended (“No, I’ll not be turning you in, idiot”). He picked up the pack and began to follow Arthur down the path. “I suppose I’ll be fetching your dinner upon return, sire?”.
“Well, obviously” Arthur replied, rolling his eyes again.
They walked a few more steps, however it being fully dark now it was difficult to make out the path.
“Merlin, I don’t suppose you be able to, err, provide us with any light, would you?”
Merlin stopped, and instead of speaking smiled softly before chanting a few more strange words. A blue ball of light formed in his hand, growing and then moving out in front of them. It hovered there, illuminating the space around the pair. Arthur’s eyes widened in recognition. Yes, a lot of things really were starting to make sense.
“Your dinner, sire?” Merlin gestured down the path in front of him.
“Yes,” Arthur replied, grinning “Dinner”.
They started back for Camelot.
Title: Don't Be A Menace (To Camelot, While Drinking Your Ale in the Woods)
Author: Ali
Rating: R but only for language, it's pretty gen otherwise
Disclaimer: This attempt at humor is not of any personal fiscal benefit, and I own nothing.
Spoilers/Warnings: Up through S2 ep. 8. Also: unbeta'd
Summary: For the
kinkme_merlin prompt: Arthur/Merlin. Recognizing that Merlin is his father's man when it comes to the fight against magic, Arthur keeps the fact that his feelings about magic not being all bad to himself. Bonus for crack of Arthur and Merlin both going off to deal with magical things in secret from the king separately and basically tripping over each other try to accomplish the same task and pretending they're both there by happenstance.A/N: The title has nothing to do with the fic, except that it is a play on a movie that, like this, is a sort of spook/attempt at humor. If anyone figures out what the monster is, you get bonus points. There is a little hint in there.
The full meaning of Merlin’s words that day in the council chamber didn’t occur to Arthur until some time after the fact. He thinks, however, that given the situation (his sword point at his father, the king’s, neck, adrenaline, lack of sleep , etc., etc.) that this really ought to be forgiven. Yes. So it is only later, when thinking about that moment and the role his disobedient (but timely) servant had played in stopping certain unfortunate events, that Arthur remembers Merlin’s exact words.
Sorcerers are not to be trusted. You were bewtiched. Or something like that. The crux of it is, Merlin seems to be of the opinion that magic is evil. This in of itself is not all that strange. It is, after all, Camelot’s Official Position on the matter. However, that idea that Merlin actually agrees with the king about something is...well...rather interesting. It was rather subservient of him, really, which was amusing except for the fact that Arthur was starting to think that his own opinions on sorcery were taking a turn for the somewhat-less-obedient.
Even before the “Morgause Incident” (Arthur refuses to think of it as That Time I Met My Mother) Arthur had...disagreed...with his father before concerning sorcery and how it was dealt with in Camelot. Uther had a, shall we say, rather heavy-handed approach toward anything that had the barest hint of magic, and Arthur had long-since wondered if such a policy really wasn’t bringing them more trouble than it was worth. He certainly drew the line at killing children, however slightly creepy the young Mordred might have been.
Anyway. Back to recent events. Arthur wasn’t sure Morgause’s motives had been completely on the level, but deep down Arthur knew the woman who’d embraced him then had been his mother. That moment had been some kind of gift, whether it was intended to be or not. There was also the fact that if Morgause had really wanted to use magic to harm him she could have done so any number of times. The events that occurred after the vision had been of Arthur’s own making, it had only been for Merlin that they had not.
Merlin. Arthur hadn’t really thought about his manservant’s political opinions before, mostly because he’d long been trained not to discuss matters of state with the help. Merlin, however, was different. Arthur could admit (but only just) that their relationship was perhaps a little closer than that of a typical master and servant. So the fact that Merlin might not be on board with Arthur’s newfound views on magic might be a little disappointing. In the eyes of his manservant, liberal views of sorcery were treason.
So Arthur decided to play along. Shortly after the “Council Room Incident” (Arthur refused to think of it as That Time I Almost Killed My Father) Merlin had been tidying up his chambers, strangely silent in a way that screamed “I know some stuff just happened and we’re pretending it didn’t”, and it was really getting rather awkward, so Arthur did the first thing that came to mind; he thanked his manservant for the reminder that sorcery = bad.
There was a slight pause. Arthur held his breath, wondering if something in his voice betrayed the lie. Then, Merlin’s response (“happy to help”) came and Arthur couldn’t help but feel just a little deflated.
***********************************************************
Dramatic events notwithstanding, life went on much as it usually did for Arthur in the weeks following certain “Incidents”. It was a regular Tuesday afternoon which found Arthur in his chambers, pretending to read reports about grain stores, when a summons came to attend the king. Glad to be rid of starch-related statistics, Arthur went immediately, with an internal prayer that this wasn’t one of those “There’s this problem and you have to fix it yesterday” summons.
Which, of course, it was.
Arthur entered the chamber and took up his usual stance in front of the king; head tall, shoulders back, hands clasped together behind him. He’d come up with it specially to convey things like conviction and strength, and if the look on his father’s face was any indication Arthur would need such things in spades.
“We have reports that some kind of demon is attacking travelers in the Pine Woods. It has killed three people en route to Camelot and must be stopped”
Well obviously thought Arthur, but stuck to “Do we have a description of the beast?”
The king waited an appropriately dramatic moment to respond.
“It is rumored to be a small but vicious creature, with hooves, a horses head and wings. A forked tail too, I believe.”
Ugh, wings. Why did they always have to have wings?
“Has Gaius been able to identify the creature?” Arthur dared to ask. The aged physician had, on occasion, been able to provide valuable information when it came to matters of a monster-y nature. However, judging by the dark look that came suddenly over Uther’s face, this was not one of those times.
“No, although he is still looking in to the matter. Regardless, the fact is the monster threatens our people. I would have it destroyed”.
“I’ll see to it” was Arthur’s canned response, because there really was no other way to reply.
Arthur rode out for the Pine Woods with a group of knights immediately. He’d found Merlin in the stables, and as an afterthought bade him to come along. Not that Arthur expected his manservant to be of any use in the martial sense, but Merlin had been unnaturally quiet as of late and perhaps a good hard ride into possible peril could provoke some kind of response. Instead, Arthur got “Yes, sire”, and Merlin had scampered off to make preparations. Which simply meant he’d have to try a little harder.
“So” Arthur began, once the party had made their way out of the city “This creature we’re looking for might prove elusive. We will leave the horses at the edge of the forest and proceed on foot which means that you”, he fixed Merlin with his best glare “need to remember the meaning of stealth, if at all possible. Understood?”
Apparently that was (finally) enough of a jibe to get a response “You asked me to come!”
Arthur rolled his eyes “Well this thing, apparently, likes travelers. If normal methods of pursuit prove fruitless, I was thinking you could play the role and let the rest of use take care of the stealth”.
“You want to use me as bait!?”
Arthur smiled. He had, of course, no such intention, but letting his manservant think otherwise was far too much fun “We’ll see” he replied, and kicked his horse into a canter leaving Merlin, mouth agape and flustered, to follow along.
***************************************************
The end of the day arrived with the beastie unaccounted for. This remained the case upon subsequent searches in the days following. The Pine Woods were fairly large but rather sparse and lifeless, so any creature living there should have been easily found. They’d visited the site of the attack, finding dried blood on the forest floor but no tracks other save that of the travelers themselves. Arthur was on the verge of calling the whole thing a wash and returning to his grain records when word came (in the middle of the night, no less) of another attack. He didn’t even need to be told to arrive at the council chambers, posthaste.
Uther had the sort of look on his face Arthur dreaded, one that managed to convey “Your-incompetence-is-not-amusing” without saying as much. Upon entering the chamber Arthur noted that Gaius and Merlin were already in attendance, which probably meant something but before he could think what his father began
“There has been another attack. A woman has been killed. Have your searches made no progress?”.
Which was kind of a stupid question, because no, obviously not, but then there was no good way to point that out, so Arthur stuck to the facts.
“We have searched every corner of the Pine Woods. There are no strange tracks, no signs of a den or other place the creature might be living. We will, of course, continue our efforts to-”
Arthur stopped when his father waved a hand (as if to say “enough of your prattle, child”) and addressed Gaius.
“Do you know of any creatures that can conceal themselves so well? Perhaps by magic?”
Arthur sighed inwardly as Gaius stepped forward. A magic-related problem in Camelot? Perish the thought.
“Some creatures of magic have the ability to conceal themselves, sire. Given this creature’s description I would say it is a likely possibility”.
Upon this declaration Uther sat up a little straighter on the throne, as if better posture could ward off the evils of sorcery. Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur thought Merlin shifted a little. Of course his manservant would be uncomfortable, Merlin hated magic just as much as his father did. Naturally any mention of it would make him uncomfortable too. Arthur found himself fighting off a sense of disappointment. Merlin, if anything, had been a steadfast ally in the turbulent ride that had been Arthur’s life of late. Everyone had their limits, however, and it appeared now that Uther was not the only one in the room whose fear of magic was having an overwhelming effect.
“Then it must be dealt with even more quickly”, declared the king.
Arthur knew that had been directed at him, so before his father could go on he squared up his shoulders and replied “I shall double our efforts. This creature cannot evade us forever” and turned on his heel to exit the room. He really didn’t want to see the look sure to be on the king’s face. Arthur had seen it too many times before not to know what it meant: You had better.
**********************
The next morning, Arthur decided upon a Plan of Action in regard to the errant demon-thing. Traditional search-and-destroy being uselessthe next obvious choice was subterfuge. Arthur had only been half-joking when he’d suggested to Merlin that someone act as bait to lure out the monster. However, given the nature of the attacks (deadly) and the martial competency of Merlin (nonexistent) there was no way his manservant would be filling that role. The idea was to lure the creature, not feed it.
Besides, Arthur could never send anyone into such perilous conditions; posing as a traveler would mean the lure would be un-armored and lightly armed. Of course, knights would be waiting in the offing (with stealth) should the demon make an appearance, but the danger remained high. Arthur thought it was a very good plan. Merlin did not agree.
“You can’t go out there by yourself, that thing has killed people, its dangerous!”
Arthur exhaled a sigh of the long-suffering.
“Merlin” he began “That’s precisely why I have to do this. Besides, we’ve had this discussion before. Who else would you have me send out as bait? You?”
“I would”.
Oh. They were having one of those moments again. It was rather touching, once Arthur got past the fact that it was not exactly normal to have ones manservant declare his willingness to endanger himself on your behalf every other day. It strayed perilously close to bringing things like feelings into the light of day. Dangerous territory indeed; it was time to deflect.
“Yes, Merlin, I’m sure you would. However I, unlike you, have a fighting chance should this thing decide to attack, and I’d prefer not have to bring you back to Camelot in a sack”
“But-”
“You will stay back with the knights, do you understand me? Or I shall order you to stay here.”
Arthur was hedging his bets on that one, he knew. If the past was any indication, Merlin would probably just follow along regardless. Judging by the level of defiance in Merlin’s eyes, that would probably be the case today. However, his manservant seemed to see the inherent logic in being allowed to come vs. disobeying orders, the relative benefits of both (lurking reluctantly vs. ending up in the stocks )and acquiesced.
“Yes, sire”.
They set out for the Pine Woods once again. Arthur was dressed as a traveler; simply, with a long cloak to conceal his sword and dagger. Merlin came along (sulking, of course) with the half-dozen knights specially chosen for the mission. They would hang back, away from the trail where three out of four of the attacks had occurred, while Arthur would do his best to imitate an innocent traveler on his way through the trees. With any luck, the beast would be ghosting the trail and attempt an attack.
It was darker in the Pine Woods than was entirely normal for midday. The pine trees were closer together in this particular section, so this was to be expected. What was strange, however, was the unnerving quiet of the place. True, it would make any approaching animal easier to hear, but Arthur would not have complained if a bird deigned to chirp every now and again.
He was well and truly alone now, or at least appeared to be. True to plan, the knights had hung back from the main trail, out of sight but close enough to help should the beast attack. Not that Arthur would really need the help anyway (flying demons didn’t scare Crown Princes in the least), but having them around appeased certain people like his father (who would frown disapprovingly) and Merlin (who would fret unnecessarily).
Arthur peered upward from the hood of his cloak. The monster was winged, and since no tracks had been found it was logical to assume it would attack from the air. The knights were armed with crossbows and spears, should they be needed, but Arthur wold rather end the thing on the point of a sword. He could then return to Camelot, sword properly blooded, and there would be no more debates about princely competency.
A strange cry came from behind. Arthur turned, just in time to see a horse-faced, black creature swooping down on him from the pine boughs. (Honestly, why these creatures decided to announce their presences before attack was a mystery, although it certainly was convenient). Arthur quickly drew his sword, cape swirling behind him as he moved to strike the oncoming devil. He caught sight of fangs (nd weren’t those strange on a horses face) and a forked tail as the creature descended. Arthur felt his sword connect (yes!) and was just as suddenly thrown back to the forest floor. The creature flew black with a beat of its wings, hovering. Arthur noticed his sword hadn’t even made a dent. How nice. With another cry the monster began to swoop down again. Arthur braced himself and quickly scrambled up. If he had to die, it would not be lying down in the bloody Pine Woods.
The knights, having caught on to their liege's difficult situation, chose that moment to appear, brandishing crossbows and spears. They moved to either side of Arthur, wasting no time in launching said implements of destruction. These knights were some of Camelot’s best, and as such their aim was true. Almost ever spear and crossbow launched hit the hovering creature squarely in the chest. And bounced off. Harmlessly.
The creature beat its wings, and with another cry began to descend upon Arthur in the knights when, quite suddenly, the tree nearest the beast cracked at the base and began to fall. At first, it appeared the falling tree would crush the beast; the tree limbs threatening to trap the thing. Beating its wings frantically, it managed to escape but only just. The beast had been rattled, though, and it quickly flew away, up into the trees and into the distance. Before Arthur could think Huh, stroke of luck, there was Merlin, appearing from the trees looking extremely relieved.
“Are you all right?”, he asked, scanning Arthur’s person for any sign of bodily injury.
“Don’t be silly, Merlin, of course I am”, (and even if he hadn’t been, it wasn’t the time to address such things).
“Good thing that falling tree scared it off!”
Arthur snorted. “I don’t know what you mean by that, we had the situation perfectly under control. Now, we must return to Camelot and regroup for tomorrow”.
Merlin was incredulous, mouth agape as if to say are you really that thick? but fortunately made no such comment.
“But your sword...the spears; they just bounced off!”
“Ah, so you noticed. Well, I expect you had better sharpen my sword when we get back!”
Merlin was having none of the light Arthur was making at the situation. He appeared extremely perturbed, stepping into Arthur’s space. The knights were quietly gathering the fallen spears and crossbows, seeming fortunately oblivious to the scene. If Merlin had looked any less concerned, Arthur would have had to rebuke him.
“Arthur, I don’t think it matters how sharp your sword is. Gaius believes the creature can conceal itself with magic. What if it is magic?” What if it can only be killed by magic was the unspoken implication.
Yes, Merlin would expect the worst when it came to magic; his father might have similar fears. Arthur, however, was strangely free of the worry that had previously been associated with issues of magical nature. Monsters of supernatural origin had been dealt with before and could be again. Arthur would find a way, no matter what it took.
Instead of sharing such thoughts, Arthur simply smiled and placed a reassuring hand on his manservants shoulder. “Don’t worry so much, Merlin. Talk to Gaius, perhaps he can provide some insight”.
With that Arthur began again down the trail, leaving Merlin to follow, still sulking and still concerned. Arthur was already beginning to think of his next course of action, rapidly coming to the conclusion that Plan C would have to be, shall we say, a little to the outside of box.
***************************************************************
Arthur was good at a number of things. It was his responsibility as a prince to charm the court, negotiate regional politics, wield every kind of weapon known to mankind with the utmost mastery and to look good while doing so. He had received lessons on everything from “How to Hold Your Fork Properly” to “Battle Strategy When You’re Outnumbered and the Weather is Crap”. So when faced with a particularly tricky opponent, Arthur usually referred to his accumulated knowledge, from lessons and experience, to come up with a way to outwit a given foe.
Unfortunately for Arthur, none of his lessons involved what to do in situations involving magic other than his father’s universal solution: kill the sorcerer. That plan wasn’t really helpful when faced with flying demons who were apparently impervious to traditional methods of dispatch.
Of course, Arthur had encountered this situation before. The gryphon he and his knights had faced some time ago seemed similarly protected from swords and lances. Arthur didn’t really like to think about that little escapade too much, because in the end it had been Lancelot who Saved The Day, with the prince unconscious on the ground. Among his feelings about this particular incident there was now a sense of regret. In the ensuing confusion and the man’s quick departure, Arthur hadn’t managed to ask the one thing that would be damned helpful at this point, which was “So, Lancelot, how the hell did you manage it?”.
Therefore, without having anyone with actual experience slaying magically-protected beasts, the next best thing would be to ask an authority. Arthur thought about going to Gaius, who besides being Court Physician also seemed to fill the role of Consultant on Problems of a Magical Nature. So far Gaius had been unable to identify the creature, even after a search through his numerous tomes. However, Arthur half-hoped that there might be something something in one of those books that might be useful.
(In Arthur’s mind, there was a book with a chapter titled “Demons: What to Do if Your Weapons Might As Well Be Feathers”, but that’s really neither here nor there).
Upon returning from the sticky encounter with the beast in the Pine Woods, Arthur set off for Gaius, sending Merlin away with the horses and a list of chores designed to keep him busy and, more importantly, away from his home. While the prince didn’t really care too much about Merlin’s approval (not at all, if you asked Arthur directly), it would be better to converse with Gaius about magcial creatures without his manservant acting the mother-hen with his worried glances and “magic-is-dangerous” opinions.
Fortunately, the physician was in residence when Arthur poked his head into Gaius’ rooms. He was at his workbench, standing over a steaming pot of something that was probably vile-tasting and meant to cure headaches, or some such thing. Arthur cleared his throat to announce his arrival.
“Sire, if you’re looking for Merlin, I-”
“Actually, Gaius, I wanted to ask you something”
A look of suspicion crossed the physician’s face before he schooled it to a more neutral expression. “Yes, sire?”
“You told my father that the creature in the Pine Woods might be able to conceal itself by magic. Would such magical protection extend to...assault as well?”
Arthur was doing his best to appear completely unperturbed, but if the knowing look on Gaius’ face was any indication he was failing miserably.
“I take it today’s expedition into the woods was unsuccessful?”
Arthur sighed, and dropped any attempts at being subtle. If you’re going to admit just how useless you feel, it was probably better to be plain about it.
“The beast appeared, but our weapons were...ineffective. A tree fell and scared the beast away, but I fear-”
“A tree?”
Now that wasn’t what Arthur would have picked out as the important point in the story, but it seemed to interest Gaius.
“Erm, yes. My knights and I were attempting to kill the monster, however sword and arrow skimmed its skin as if it were made of armor. Fortunately a tree fell just as the thing was coming in for another pass. The beast was nearly crushed. It escaped but seemed to have been scared off. I was wondering-”
“The tree fell of its own accord?”
This was getting ridiculous. Yes, it had been a rather lucky thing to have happen, but honestly Arthur had a monster to kill and didn’t need to be talking about trees.
“Indeed it did. It was fortunate that it fell the way it did, too, Merlin was right behind it”
Gaius’ eyes widened a little, in what looked like fear. Of course he was concerned for Merlin, but Arthur thought this a bit silly. If anything had happened to the idiot Arthur would have said so, instead of having this ridiculous tangential discussion about falling topiary.
“Oh, Merlin’s fine” Arthur assured him “He’s in the stables, now. However, I am rather concerned this monster will keep killing if it is not stopped. I was wondering...we have come across beasts like this before...the gryphon?”
Gaius nodded.
“Yes, well it seemed similarly impervious to our weapons, yet it was eventually defeated. Do you know how such a thing might...might be accomplished?”.
The physician raised his eyebrow in a way that said ‘I know what you’re thinking, young man.' It was really rather disturbing.
“If you are asking how to defeat a creature of magic, I am afraid I can be of no help, sire. I will look into it further, however. Perhaps the literature will present some kind of solution.”
Arthur felt as if a stone had deposited itself in his stomach. He had hoped to approach his father with a possible answer to the monster problem, but apparently it was going to be the standard ‘I’ll see to it over my dead body...literally.'
“Aha. Well, yes, please let me know if you find anything useful”.
Turning to leave the physician’s chambers, Arthur couldn’t help but wonder, again, if having someone around who knew a thing or two about magic might not be smart. The problem with banning magic was that it didn’t come with a banishment of problems related to magic. If Camelot was to be attacked by bloodthirsty, supernatural creatures, surely they should be dealt with by any effective means?
He stopped to collect himself. Thinking such things was treason, and it was probably better to approach the king <i>without</i> such thoughts as ‘you’re doing it wrong hello?. Arthur exhaled and set out toward the council chambers. Monster-related problems would have to be put aside for the time being. He had a report to give, a king to mollify, and anything else would just have to wait until after lunch.
**********************************************************************************************
The king had not been pleased with Arthur’s report. His conversation with the king had gone something like this:
“We attacked the creature, sire, however our weapons were ineffective.” (I’m completely fucked)
“So the creature escaped?” (Yes, you are)
“Indeed. Perhaps its supernatural origins-”
“I do not care to speculate about the supernatural. No creature is invincible, Arthur. I have confidence you will find its weakness before it causes further injuries to our people” (You obviously didn’t try hard enough. Unacceptable, son, unacceptable)
“Indeed, sire. I will regroup the knights and set out again tomorrow” (And pray for a miracle)
And that was that. After meeting with his father there had (fortunately) been Things To Do, distracting Arthur from thinking about how the hell he was going to kill a beast that couldn’t be killed. There was drill to conduct, prospective knights to examine and reports to read, keeping Arthur busy until the sun was very low in the sky. It was close to dinnertime, and Arthur found himself distracted from reading (a terrifyingly boring report about the state of livestock in the kingdom). Strangely enough, he was rather looking forward to his manservant’s (hopefully) imminent arrival with a plate of food. Perhaps a few well-aimed barbs could draw Merlin out into some good natured banter.
He was thinking about Merlin again. Merlin, who had been acting rather differently of late. Not that he wasn’t usually overprotective and contrary, because he was that, but there was something...off..about the way Merlin seemed to be in a constant state of nervousness. Arthur thought it might have something to do with recent events, but since when were magical creatures a new threat to Camelot? This kind of thing happened all the time and-
Huh. This kind of thing really did happen all the time. All the time, and every time the situation somehow turned out all right in the end. There was probably something to that, but Arthur couldn’t quite put his finger on what.
At that moment Arthur happened to glance out the window to the courtyard only to spot Merlin (who was supposed to be headed to the kitchens right now) half-running out the palace gates. He was obviously in some kind of hurry, and, Arthur noticed, seemed to be carrying a sword of all things.
Now, Merlin’s behavior could often be described as odd, but this rushing-off-with-a-sword-thing fell rather out of the “quirky” category and into the “what the hell?” variety. What in creation could Merlin have to do, urgently and with a sword, outside of the palace at dinnertime? Naturally, Arthur would have to investigate.
It was a good thing Arthur left just then he might or Merlin’s dramatic exit of Camelot on horseback. As it was, all he got was a glimpse of his manservant’s back as he trotted down the street. Fortunately, Arthur was Crown Prince, meaning his appearance in the stables caused a general commotion in the “what can we do for you, sire” vein, which was how he was able to procure saddled horse less than two minutes after arriving.
Thus Arthur found himself heading down the road after Merlin, taking the path out the palace gates toward God-knows-where, hungry and getting more irritated by the second. It had, after all, been a stressful day. Arthur did not want to be chasing his servant who instead of, oh, <i>serving<i> was forcing his master to follow him on some strange errand. A strange errand, as it seemed, which found Arthur heading toward the Pine Woods for the second time that day. Arthur was starting to think Merlin’s behavior was veering out of the “what the hell” category and quickly into “what the fuck?”.
Merlin had tied up his horse just outside the forest border. Arthur had been too far behind to call out and get his attention however he was confident (now that they were on foot) that his superior tracking ability and speed would allow him to catch Merlin, hit him upside the head and berate the fool with little delay.
Arthur proceeded into the woods, following Merlin’s tracks while keeping an eye toward the pine boughs. The thing was, as annoying as this little adventure of Merlin’s happened to be, it was also rather dangerous. Merlin knew full well, had seen with his own eyes, the dangerous creature that dwelt in these woods. What had possessed him to come here? Was he under some kind of spell? Was he thinking to kill the beast himself? Was he finally rounding the bend from odd to insane?
It was in the middle of these thoughts that Arthur noticed, up ahead in the increasing gloom of the woods, the object of his pursuit crouched low to the ground. Merlin appeared to be deep in thought, his focus on the sword which he had placed on the forest floor. Arthur’s curiosity was piqued, but he was also pissed, and so he chose that moment to make himself known in the most frightening way possible.
“MERLIN!!” he yelled, continuing to approach his servant in what he hoped was an “I am going to throttle you” manner. Even in the twilight of the pines, Arthur could read his servants “Oh, crap” expression. There was something else there, too, but it was probably just the gloom of the trees injecting another layer of terror onto Merlin’s face.
“Arthur I-” he began, his eyes widening further in horror “Arthur look out!!”. Merlin pointed to something up and behind, and Arthur had only half turned before being knocked to the ground.
Fighting instincts kicking in, Arthur used to momentum to roll quickly, reaching for his sword which-
Which wasn’t there. In his haste to leave, Arthur had left his sword behind, along with his mail, armor, or basically anything which would be somewhat useful in a fight. Not that anything would be useful against this creature, the same one from the morning, wings and horse face and fangs hovering above Arthur in a menacing way.
It was funny, the things one notices when you think your life is about to end. At this time, Arthur noticed the creature’s eyes were glowing slightly in the darkness. Despite is malicious intent, terrifying appearance and overall belligerent nature, its eyes were actually kind of pretty in their glowy way, which made Arthur think that maybe it wasn’t so much mean as tragically misunderstood. An odd thing to think of a creature which was, just then, flapping its wings and heading toward you, fangs bared.
Arthur might normally have ducked or twisted away, but at that moment he thought that maybe if the creature went for him Merlin might get away. Which was why he found himself instead hurling himself toward the beast and yelling “Merlin, run!”. If he couldn’t kill the thing, he could at least punch a few of its fangs out on the way to an honorable death.
What he didn’t expect was Merlin’s reply. Although his servant was behind him Arthur knew the idiot hadn’t moved at all. Instead he began to chant, in some language Arthur had never heard, and suddenly the sword which had been on the ground was now in the air, glowing blue and heading toward the gut of the descending beast.
Apparently a sword that glowed blue worked better than those of plain steel, because it ran the monster through with ease. The flying demon stopped mid-flight, gave one last, feeble cry, and fell toward the ground in a graceless heap. Arthur turned to Merlin, who was standing not five paces away, arm outstretched, eyes fading from gold to their usual blue. Eyes, Arthur noticed, which now looked even more terrified than before.
Arthur didn’t say anything, because his brain was working faster than it had, probably, ever in his life. He looked to Merlin (terrified) back to the beast (dead) several times before stating the most ineloquent thing ever uttered by a Prince.
“Huh”
Apparently this was some kind of prompt for Merlin to begin jabbering away. He started to approach Arthur, all deference and guilt, babbling apologies and wanted-to-tell-you’s and nonsense. Still shocked, Arthur only looked at his manservant quizzically, which was apparently not the reaction Merlin was expecting because he stopped, mid sentence, with a loud gulp.
“You” Arthur pointed “Magic”
“Um, yes”
Arthur stared at Merlin, who looked stunned and afraid and all kinds of nervous. It was true, he had technically just committed treason, but then again he had just saved them both, which led to Arthur’s next thought.
“Not the first time?”
“No” Merlin replied, eyes shifting to the ground. This led to the second most ineloquent thing ever uttered by a Prince.
“Oh”
Well, that solved the mystery of Magical Problems that Solved Themselves. This was suddenly hilarious, and Arthur found himself doubled over with laughter, Merlin looking on in wondering terror as if he might have just cause his master’s temporary insanity.
Arthur looked up. “You” (laugh) “are a sorceror!”
Merlin went then from terrified to angry. His eyes narrowed, indignant “I’ve saved your life so many times I-”
Arthur put his hand on Merlin’s arm, waving him off with the other.
“No I know, I think, really, I know” he laughed “You hate them, but you are one! Ha!”
Arthur went into another fit of laughter (maybe that temporary insanity thing wasn’t totally out of the realm of possibility after all). Looking at Merlin then he stopped. His manservant was looking sad, his eyes distant.
“Oh,” he began “I only said that...then.. so you wouldn’t, you know..so you’d stop”
Right. Merlin had said what he had to prevent regicide. Patricide. Patregicide. Whatever.
Arthur gave Merlin a considering look.
“You did what you had to, I suppose”
Merlin huffed, replying “I always do” in a cynical sort of way.
They were silent again. Arthur supposed he ought to be angry, and on some level he probably was. At the moment, however, he was a) happy to be alive, b) happy Merlin was alive and c) hungry, so instead of ranting or raving or doing whatever it was his manservant obviously thought he was about to do, Arthur simply turned to the little pack Merlin had abandoned on the ground nearby.
“Got any food in there? I’m starving” he said.
Merlin looked confused, his eyes furrowing in concern. “Um, no?”
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Well, then we’d best get back. You had to do this at dinnertime, didn’t you?”. He turned and began down the path they’d taken into the woods. It was now much past twilight, the darkness obscuring the way.
“Arthur!” Merlin called out. He hadn’t moved at all from where they’d been standing. “What are you going to do?”.
Arthur stopped, turning towards Merlin who was looking afraid again, uncertain, as if he had been dreading this moment for a long time and didn’t know what to do now that it was here. It was a good thing that Crown Princes always knew what to do.
“Merlin” he sighed “I am getting out of these godforsaken woods and going home. I am going to have discussion with you regarding the proper concealment of magic and then, then Merlin I am going to have something to eat”. Okay, so things were probably a little more complicated than that, but complications were always best dealt with in the light of day on a full stomach.
Merlin smiled then, seeming to understand Arthur’s response as it was intended (“No, I’ll not be turning you in, idiot”). He picked up the pack and began to follow Arthur down the path. “I suppose I’ll be fetching your dinner upon return, sire?”.
“Well, obviously” Arthur replied, rolling his eyes again.
They walked a few more steps, however it being fully dark now it was difficult to make out the path.
“Merlin, I don’t suppose you be able to, err, provide us with any light, would you?”
Merlin stopped, and instead of speaking smiled softly before chanting a few more strange words. A blue ball of light formed in his hand, growing and then moving out in front of them. It hovered there, illuminating the space around the pair. Arthur’s eyes widened in recognition. Yes, a lot of things really were starting to make sense.
“Your dinner, sire?” Merlin gestured down the path in front of him.
“Yes,” Arthur replied, grinning “Dinner”.
They started back for Camelot.
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Date: 2010-01-13 02:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 02:55 am (UTC)Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2010-01-13 02:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 02:59 am (UTC)I thought Merlin was pretty convincing in his attempt to stop Arthur from killing Uther. Plus, (as we know) Arthur's not always the most observant person, so it is easy to imagine him missing any clues that Merlin might be lying.
Thanks for commenting!
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Date: 2010-01-13 02:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 03:03 am (UTC)Oh, and hello icon love!
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Date: 2010-01-13 03:11 am (UTC)(i didn't read because i'm only on ep 3 of season 2 so i didn't wanna be spoiled, but i just HAD to tell you that)
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Date: 2010-01-13 04:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 03:29 am (UTC)Oh. They were having one of those moments again. It was rather touching, once Arthur got past the fact that it was not exactly normal to have ones manservant declare his willingness to endanger himself on your behalf every other day. It strayed perilously close to bringing things like feelings into the light of day. Dangerous territory indeed; it was time to deflect.
Fabulous.
OMG! And the title! Genius :D
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Date: 2010-01-13 04:35 am (UTC)I needed a random title and for some reason the film from which said title is derived popped in my head, so I Merlin-ized it.
Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2010-01-13 03:54 am (UTC)Fav lines (aside from the fab. title):
Arthur refuses to think of it as That Time I Met My Mother
Arthur refused to think of it as That Time I Almost Killed My Father
“Your-incompetence-is-not-amusing”
Honestly, why these creatures decided to announce their presences before attack was a mystery, although it certainly was convenient
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Date: 2010-01-13 04:41 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting!
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Date: 2010-01-13 08:21 am (UTC)Loved the little asides.
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Date: 2010-01-14 04:14 am (UTC)Thanks for commenting!
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Date: 2010-01-13 10:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 04:18 am (UTC)I liked writing from Arthur's POV (or one take of it) so I am glad it worked for you :)
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Date: 2010-01-13 10:43 am (UTC)I loved it- Arthur was hilarious. I especially loved his translations of Uther's menacing words HAHA! This is a new idea that I haven't seen before; Arthur thinking magic isnt that bad but believing Merlin hates it.
LOVED this!!! :D :D
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Date: 2010-01-14 04:22 am (UTC)Thanks for reading!
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Date: 2010-01-13 11:08 am (UTC)i giggled so much at this line, cause it such an uther thing in the show!! this was really good, very funny and just a little bit sweet!
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Date: 2010-01-14 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 12:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 04:37 am (UTC)Anyway, enough of my ramble...glad you enjoyed!
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Date: 2010-01-13 01:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 04:30 am (UTC)The creature is actually the Jersey Devil that supposedly resides within the Pine Barrens of NJ, USA. It is kind of like the Loch Ness, with all kinds of supposed-evidence and stories behind the legend. I didn't think anyone would guess it since it is a pretty random thing, but for some reason when trying to think of an appropriate threat to Camelot the Jersey Devil came to mind.
Thanks for your comment!
Heehee
Date: 2010-01-13 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-13 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 04:44 am (UTC)Also, I love your icon. It is inspired :)
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Date: 2010-01-13 07:10 pm (UTC)"A magic-related problem in Camelot? Perish the thought."
LOL!
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Date: 2010-01-13 07:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-14 12:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-23 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-24 04:42 am (UTC)